Back up the mountain

Testing ...testing one... Two... Three testing... positive!!! So excited yet so nervous and unsettling.  So You know I would like to share my road on this journey back from our lose because I share a lot with my loyal readers lol. Bottom line is  When you get pregnant again after a lose it is the scariest thing ever. To  people on the outside getting pregnant after a lose may seem like the happiest road back to okayville but its not.  Your sense of security is gone, really never to return.   You wanna be excited but apart of you is so afraid that you are gonna wake up bleeding, see no heartbeat at the next sono or get some kind of bad news. So you worry and don't enjoy this blessing... No matter how this pregnancy ends it is a blessing. Getting a happy ending with a baby or a lose with another lesson to be learned. Really either way you look at it you will be learning something. I feel like I gained knowledge from a ton of googling what happened to me,a testimony, and empathy towards others. Chalk it up to being yet another thing that makes me relatable  to others i guess. Everyone saw my heart ache,sorrow, and tantrum. Some stayed true and stayed beside me, some judged me for being so open and others ran. Hey that's fine we all deal with things differently and I forgive all of you. 

Now back to today... I was sick all night with what clearly was worry. I walked in that room and burst into uncontrollable tears because that room with no longer a safe happy place for us anymore. After a few tissues and a lot of what can I dos,  I got myself back together and it began. So many things were different this time, well back to what I am use to seeing anyway. The first thing my eye caught was the babies heartbeat. The most beautiful strong little flicker of hope and then more tears rushing down my face. Who knew such a little flicker could ease every fear in your mind all at once? But there we are Yep looks  good ... Yep looks good... Yep looks good. Yep everyone I'm good too holding on to Gods promises to replace time and things lost. New jobs new house new baby due a year after we lost our last all in Gods perfect timing.